I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
