I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
