also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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