Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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