I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
