He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
