Welp...herpes.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
