Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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