Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
