I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
