it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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