omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
