...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
