I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hippo gnu deer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
