girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
