I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
