my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
