apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize