So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
