I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
