happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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