too bad you live with your parents still
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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