i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize