Barsexuality is the new black.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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