at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
