If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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