watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
