her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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