I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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