So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize