I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
