threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
