I am puke
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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