how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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