this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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