No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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