I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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