when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize