I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
