Kareoke will never be a sober sport
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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