Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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