What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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