You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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