who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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