I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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