I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize