This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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