take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
