you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
