My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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