I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
