There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
