he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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