Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
