; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
