I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
