Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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