That's when you crack a 10am beer
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can I color on your dick again?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
