I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
FUCK WHALES
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
