You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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