She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
