at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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