Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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