I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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