Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
