She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
