Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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