is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize