U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
accomplished twins. life is a go
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
