Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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