Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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