...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
