But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
