i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
