I bet he comes in French.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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