I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I love you.
Bad choice
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