just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
