I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
