You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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