i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
