just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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