yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
