he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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