Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
