I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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