i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
