His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
