hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize