I faked an abortion last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
