my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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