Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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