I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
