for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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