some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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